


Ciri doesn't quite understand

by alwerakoo



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Creature Jaskier | Dandelion, Established Relationship, Family, Family Dynamics, Fluff, Found Family, Good Parent Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Marriage, Nightmares, No Smut, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Parenthood, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Siren Jaskier | Dandelion, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Sort Of, Swearing, ep 6 never happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23055985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwerakoo/pseuds/alwerakoo
Summary: "Ciri is awakened by a scream that, for the first time in many nights, is not her own."In which Ciri is just a kid and doesn't understand many things, but she's not dumb or blind.And she albo is, in fact, very worried about Jaskier.Polska wersja: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23055751
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 45
Kudos: 1086





	Ciri doesn't quite understand

**Author's Note:**

> It took me way to fucking long.  
> Please be gentle, english is not my first language :C

Ciri is awakened by a scream that, for the first time in many nights, is not her own.

She opens her eyes wide and for one moment, a terrible moment, she can still hear the clatter of horses' hooves, the grinding of swords and the loud cry of the woman being murdered right in front of her.

But the vision disappears immediately, because Ciri is no longer in that camp, and behind her she feels the pleasant heat from the dying embers of the campfire. It would be quite  
a lovely night, actually, summery and warm, with the moon lazily illuminating the forest glade.

It would be, if she wasn't completely frozen in fear.

The scream is definitely inhuman.

Loud and high, piercing through her body, echoing in her head like a thunder, pushing tears into wide-open eyes. And it sounds like something Ciri had never heard before. Like hurt animal and nails scratching blackboard, like a dying monster and glass breaking on a stone floor. Uninterrupted and never ending.

The whole forest trembles.

She feels the need to close her eyes, covering her ears with her hands, or to just get up and run ahead. As far as possible from the noise.

But she still can't move.

And it's loud and never ending, until it ends. Abruptly.

Although it lasted only a few seconds at most, Ciri feels she is about to vomit. There's still ringing in her ears.

But when she's finally able to hear something other than the beating of her own heart: it's Geralt's voice.

"...Jaskier. Calm down. It's okay."

Behind her, something moves, and she hears the rustle of grass and blankets, and loud panting.

Ciri feels a sudden wave of anxiety. She wants to get up, turn towards the fire and run to Geralt, because the night no longer seems so lovely.

But she doesn't move, listening to her rapid breathing and heartbeat. And then he hears Jaskier say:

"I'm sorry."

His voice is hoarse and gravelly, and it sounds so unlike him, and Ciri has no idea how she even knows it's him.

Jaskier takes a deep, wheezing breath, and Ciri doesn't need to see him to know how much he's shaking.

And then he bursts into tears.

Ciri realizes that despise all his delicacy, his nature of a poet and an artist, she has never seen him cry over anything.

But well, he is right now weeping and sobbing, so loudly that Ciri's body shivers, feeling tears welling up again.

This also doesn't sound human.

It's no longer nails on a board nor broken glass, but there is something so sad, plaintive and pitiful about it, and Ciri has never heard anyone cry like that before.

It stops after a while and Geralt says a few more things, but too quietly for her to anything.

The forest is still again, and Ciri suddenly becomes too sleepy to turn around.

\---

The next morning, Jaskier and Geralt are already up before the rays of the sun wakes her up from a shallow, dreamless sleep.

They talk as if nothing happened. Jaskier laughs and plays the lute as usual, while Geralt divides the remains of the stew from yesterday between the three of them.

But Ciri knows.

And Jaskier knows that she knows.

He looks at her from time to time, as if wondering if she's going to bring it up.

Ciri asks Geralt questions about his travels to the north and makes no mention of the night before.

But while she tries very hard not to think about it, focusing on counting all the poppies that grow along the road, that scream is still in the back of her mind..

And when they stop to rest in the evening and Geralt goes away to tie Roach to a tree, she asks:

"How often do you have nightmares?"

Something on Jaskier's face is changing. He's still smiling, but his eyes are suddenly darker.

"Everyone has nightmares from time to time" he replies, pretending to be searching for something in his almost empty bag.

"If you tell me about yours " she proposes "I'll tell you about mine."

Jaskier stops digging through his bag and sighs. He looks at Geralt, then briefly at her, and then at the forest. He clenches his jaw.

"You don't want to hear about it."

\---

When Ciri first met Jaskier, he seemed like truly, the happiest man on earth.

She saw him for the first time in an inn where Geralt led her a few days after their reunion The noise from the tavern filled up the entire village, and she could hear it coming from afar.

Because when Jaskier sang, the chairs fell over.

And suddenly the whole inn was on its feet, clapping in the rhythm of the music and shouting out the lyrics to the song, dancing on the floor and the tables, laughing and pouring more and more wine and ale.

And in the middle of all the chaos was Jaskier. Swirling around, taking requests from the guests, and singing in a voice sweet as honey, sliding his fingers over the lute strings.

And Ciri felt the urge to join the dancing, the loud singing, although she didn't know any of the words. But Geralt held her in place, squeezing her arm firmly.

Geralt and Jaskier's eyes meet.

Thick smell of magic filling the inn disappeared as soon as Jaskier's hands stopped playing.

People looked around and in the sounds of sliding chairs and drunken grunts, returned to their seats.

But Jaskier was still smiling, even wider than before. Grinning, he run towards then, and Ciri never saw someone looking so happy to see Geralt. And then she (also for the first, but not the last time) saw how Geralt allowed someone to drawn him into a hug.

Wrapping his arms around Jaskier's waist, he lifted him off the ground, just for a moment, and Jaskier giggled before he was set down.

The thought that it was the same man whose cries she sometimes heard at night was so absurd that Ciri probably wouldn't believe herself.

\---

Jaskier always had something magical about him.

And from the very beginning, from their first meeting, somewhere in the back of Ciri's head formed a thought, that he wasn't fully human.

Traveling with him turned a quiet thought into a full on belief.

One summer evening, watching Jaskier wade his feet in the shallows of a rive, she asked:

"Where are you actually from?"

She watched as the man froze for a moment, then looked down.

"Does it really matter, _princess_?"

The princess may be barely eleven years old, but she's not stupid at all. She never missed the fact that Jaskier didn't seem to have any surnames. And no town-name. He was always simply: Jaskier.

He never talks about his hometown.

The rapid current of water seemed to slow down around his ankles.

Ciri didn't like to in believe something if she wasn't entirely sure. Therefore, although she was practically convinced that she was absolutely right in that case, she didn't say a word. Just in case.

Until one evening, when Geralt returned to their room above the inn, covered in Kikimore's guts and casually threw a pouch full of golden coins on the table.

Ciri was almost done counting the money, and Jaskier had already removed dirty armor from The Witcher, when Geralt suddenly remembered something, reaching into his bag. He pulled out a silver flask from it and give it to Jaskier.

"And this is for you."

Jaskier frowned, unscrewed the cap, inhaled deeply and his expression turned into a wide grin

"Thank you."

Geralt grunted.

"You're _so_ romantic," he added later, when they both disappeared behind the curtained part of the room where the bathtub was.

"What's in there?" she asked later, as Jaskier tucking her into bed.

"Vodka" he answered quickly.

Too quickly. Ciri frowned but stayed silent.

At night, however, she kept turning from side to side, still thinking about why the first thing Geralt did after killing Kikimore was to buy alcohol. And why the amount of money he  
returned with was exactly the same as the amount promised for getting rid of the monster.

Finally, she pushed the blanket of to the side and watching out for the creaking parts of the floor and furniture: she slipped out of bed.

Without a candle in hand, the room was dark. The girl narrowed her eyes, blindly stumbling around.

The flask stood on a small crate in the very corner of the room, and Ciri kept turning to look at the other bed. Because, although she saw very little, Geralt's eyes always glowed in the dark. But she didn't see any flash of bright yellow among the bed sheets.

Avoiding the squeaky parts of the floor, the stood in front of the crate.

She grabbed the flask and unscrewed the cap with a pounding heart.

Then inhaled.

And the flask almost slipped out of her hand, because all her fingers suddenly felt numb, her knees trembled and the whole room suddenly swirled, because Ciri knew the smell, knew it very well, even too well than an eleven-year-old girl.

_Fresh blood._

With shaky hands, she put the flask in it's place and returned to her bed on weak legs.

When she slipped under the covers, she thought that Geralt must have known that she was awake. Because Geralt always knew.

She didn't sleep well that night, dreams filled with blood, Kikimores and burning Cintra.

\---

But despite that night, Jaskier remains the same in all of her thoughts and memories.

Although the thought of the content of the flask still makes her nauseous, the man still smiles at her in the same way, tucks her into bed, helps her put on her shoes and plays every song she wishes for. And calls her princess, but not because of her real status or because he needs to, and coming from his mouth it always sounds so affectionate.

Jaskier is not human, but Ciri can't think less of him in any way.

But she just _has to know._

So when Geralt tends Roach in the stable behind the inn, Ciri jumps in and sits on the stalls door and asks:

"Do monsters have nightmares?"

Geralt freezes and looks up at her.

"Yes. Some of them."

Roach snorts and Geralt puts his hand on the mare's neck.

"But those who can dream at all shouldn't be called monsters"

Ciri thinks she understands.

\---

And Geralt seems as worried about Jaskier as she is.

It's actually a lie, because he is probably even more anxious than she is.

But Geralt often worries about Jaskier in general, Ciri thinks, looking at how the witcher laces his fingers together to help Jaskier mount his horse. Although he almost never says anything directly, Ciri is not stupid nor blind.

And the fact that she spent the majority of her childhood in the presence of married couples also helps.

Because that's what she categorized their relationship as the first time she saw them together. Marriage.

Jaskier, in his rich clothes, with an encrusted on his back, looks like a person who appreciates all kinds of jewelry, accessories and everything Geralt calls "useless crap".

And yet: Jaskier doesn't wear any kind of ornaments. Except for one gold ring on his right hand, modest but with a beautiful blue gem in the middle that Ciri noticed almost immediately.

"Lovely ring" she said.

Jaskier smiled and looked at Geralt with a raised brow.

Geralt kept staring at his ale.

To a large extent, they reminded her of her grandparents, which made her feel a strange mix of warmth, pain and longing.

Because Geralt was a man of very few words, and Jaskier not at all and it didn't take much time to see the difference.

"Ugh" Jaskier groaned one morning, staring into the mirror on wall of their room. "I look awful."

And then he turned to Geralt, staring at him. Waiting.

Geralt was putting on his armor and looked caught off guard. He stared back at Jaskier for a moment and briefly at Ciri sitting cross-legged on the bed.

"Eee..." He finally said, and Jaskier crossed his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrow even more

"You look fine to me" he said finally and quickly scurried out of the room, mumbling something about breakfast.

Jaskier sighed and rolled his eyes, but Ciri noticed him smiling in the reflection.

Geralt isn't good with words or answering all of these tricky questions that Jaskier often asks him. But he's affectionate through his actions, which Ciri begins to appreciate even more.

How he always saves the best and largest pieces of meat for them. How he slows down when she's not keeping up with the pace. How he reaches his hand out to Jaskier, helping him get off the horse (which is usually a knight-and-his-lady type of thing, but it seems so natural to them that Ciri doesn't comment on that). How sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night, only to pull the blanket tighter around Jaskier's shoulder, and then falls asleep.

How he let's Ciri sleep between him and Jaskier every time she dreams about Cinta, throwing his arm around both of them.

And as every time a lake appears on the horizon, one look is enough for Geralt to announce a layover, although the last one was only two hours ago, and then lean against Roach, he watches as Jaskier wades in the shallow water, teaching Ciri how to skim stones.

That is why Ciri isn't surprised that every night Jaskier wakes her up with a scream, it is Geralt who is on his feet first.

He never says much, but when one night Ciri manages to turn toward them, Geralt holds his hands around Jaskier, who, as usual, cries on his shoulder. Their eyes meet.

"Go to sleep, Ciri."

His eyes glow in the dark.

Jaskier stops sobbing for a moment, just to take a breath and manages to whisper "I'm sorry" before he starts crying again.

Geralt runs his fingers through his hair, and Ciri turns around and almost immediately falls asleep.

And dreams about her grandparents.

And then about Geralt and Jaskier, nice things and horses, and there is no burning Cintra and it's actually a nice dream.

\---

Ciri is young, but not so much but not young enough not to realize that Jaskier is very widely considered as uncommonly beautiful.

And she's not even surprised.

Jaskier has a fair, but not pale, complexion, dark hair falling around his face and a captivating smile, which,she learns once during dinner, has already got him out of many troubles.

And blue eyes. Bright and deep, reminding Ciri of the ocean, shining like crystals in the rays of sun.

Jaskier draws the attention of many people when they're walking through any city or village. Most of them are ordinary, curious looks, which could also be considered as a result of the unusual presence of the witcher. They get a lot of second glances, after some time she realizes that they're specifically looking after Jaskier.

But sometimes someone wolf whistles and usually (almost always) it's a man, and Ciri is too young to understand what it means.

She doesn't understand why Jaskier pulls his hood over his face, biting his lip and staring at the ground, and why Geralt squeezes Roach's reins until his finger turn pale.

In taverns, Jaskier draws everyone's attention. Which, usually, is a good thing.

Because then all he has to do is pull on the strings of his lute for silver and golden coins to fall in front of his feet, and the whole room suddenly comes alive, with a thick smell of magic in the air.

Ciri often joins the singing, now that she knows almost all of the lyrics. Even to the more dirty ones, to which Geralt reacts with an unpleasant grunt.

Geralt also reacts with unpleasant grunts at the sight of lady's who often hang around Jaskier in a flirtatious manner.

Jaskier responds with polite smiles at the giggling women sitting on tables, who occasionally whisper something between themselves, looking him up and down. And if one of them is actually brave enough to approach him, putting her hands on his shoulders and whispering something in his ear, Jaskier shows them his ring finger, and the girls retreat  
with an embarrassed blush on their faces. Or they don't. Then Jaskier moves away, quickly losing his admirers in the crowd of people.

Jaskier has a much less polite attitude towards men. He reacts to flirtatious smiles and raised eyebrows with a roll of his pretty eyes. Sometimes one of the men shouts something in his direction, something Ciri doesn't quite understand, partly because she's a child, and partly because Jaskier begins to play and sing a little louder, almost drowning the man out completely.

Once Ciri turned to look at him just as Jaskier brushed off the hand of a local pharmacist from his thigh and leaned over, hissing something clearly unpleasant. And it must have been something really nasty, because the man's smile faded from his face and he didn't even look back as Jaskier walked toward Geralt and Ciri's table, accompanied by a loud laughter of the man's friends.

Ciri didn't understand it all.

And she was afraid to ask. Because Jaskier always looked so sad, falling into place next to Geralt and slowly slurping his ale. Geralt would put his hand on his knee under the table, probably thinking Ciri couldn't see it.

Jaskier never brushed off his hands.

And it happened surprisingly often.

Jaskier walks over to their table, but doesn't sit down. He doesn't even glance at ale, staring at the floor, nervously shifting from foot to foot.

"Um, Geralt?"

Geralt was already looking at him with his eyebrows raised. Jaskier looks at Ciri, bites his lip, and then bends down, whispering something in the witcher's ear, gesturing to one of the tables in the far end of the inn.

Geralt's face is suddenly full of rage, and it changes so abruptly that Ciri feels herself move away. But Geralt doesn't even look at her, staring in the direction Jaskier showed him.

Ciri does the same.

There are five man sitting at the table, and one of them seems to be telling a story with great enthusiasm, and making gestures with his hands that Ciri doesn't quite understand, but his friends apparently so, because they encourage his storytelling with loud laughter and shouting.

And then the man stops, because he notices Geralt's eyes.

His face turned pale and his smile disappears. The laughter quiets down and the whole inn seems to turn silent for a moment, as if in nervous anticipation.

Geralt gets up from his seat. Slowly, holding on to the edge of the table, and Ciri notices his pale fingers.

The man swallows and gets up too.

They stare at each other in silence for a while, and Ciri hasn't seen him so angry in a long time.

And then Geralt opens his mouth, and the man turns away immediately, running out of the tavern, pushing the woman carrying the beer, and none of his friends dare to laugh.

That night, Jaskier wakes up screaming.

And Ciri is a child and she doesn't understand many things, but it's slowly starting to make sense.

\---

When Ciri is awakened by a scream that is not her own, she's not surprised at all.

She's so used to it by now, that she doesn't even try turning toward the fire, just squishing her face into the crumpled coat under her head as soon as the scream turns into crying.

But this time something is different, because Jaskier is crying much quieter this time. Ciri narrows her eyebrows, but closes her eyes and waits for the usual wave of fatigue.

It doesn't happen because Jaskier speaks up.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so... I thought I was over it."

His voice shakes and breaks several times, and Geralt murmured something but Ciri is unable to figure out what it actually means.

As quiet as she can, the girl turns her head slightly towards them.

"Damn it, Geralt..."

" _Jaskier._ "

Geralt whispers, but Jaskier doesn't seem to care at all about disturbing the peace of the night around them.

" _Fuck,_ Geralt!"

"Jaskier!"

Ciri feels strange. Because Jaskier never swore, at least not in her presence (singing didn't count).

There's a moment of silence. And then Jaskier sniffs and makes a noise, something between sob and a hiccup.

"It's all my fault."

"Jaskier..."

Ciri wonders if the poet's name sometimes replaces every word in Geralt's vocabulary and whether or not the poet is actually able to read between the lines so well.

Apparently yes, because he speaks again.

"Fuck. I went there my myself. I was just... asking for it."

It sounds like something between a statement and a question, but if it's the latter: Ciri doesn't know the answer. And apparently, neither does Geralt because he stays silent.

Jaskier continues.

"I was young. And so stupid..."

"You're still young." Geralt says

But Jaskier doesn't listen, or these words just made it worst, because he makes a weird noise again.

"And _so naive_ "

"You are not naive"

Silence. Ciri hears her own heartbeat.

Jaskier's voice sounds cold and not at all like honey.

"No. Not any more."

Ciri's heart beats ten times before he speaks again.

"They took that away too."

And Ciri thinks she understands.

\---

Ciri didn't like to in believe something if she wasn't entirely sure.

But in this case, she doesn't need any more details or facts to know.

She grows up slowly, eleven springs turn into twelve, and the more time she spends in roadside taverns and on sandy roads, the more of the mysterious and terrifying world of adults is opening up to her.

Slowly, she begins to understand what wolf whistling, hand gestures and some words actually mean. The more she understands, the more disgusted she feels.

And Jaskier still calls her princess, braids her hair and sings the most beautiful ballads, and although he sometimes drinks blood and eats raw meat, he is still Jaskier, and Ciri realizes that she _loves_ him.

And the more she loves him, the more she understands Geralt.

When they enter a tavern, Ciri doesn't take her eyes off Jaskier.

She follows him with her big, green eyes. When he sits down at the table, his lips pressed in a thin line, she hands him ale without a word.

As they walk together through the city, she slips her hand into his.

Ciri is a child and not able to understands everything.

But she understands enough.

And Jaskier seems to appreciate that.

Over time, his nightmares are becoming rare and often he looks actually well rested after a night. Ciri has more and more pleasant dreams, without the smell of burning Cintra.

Nightmares are rare. But they still happen.

Sometimes, they both still wake up screaming.

Ciri wonders if they'll ever stop.

But it doesn't matter as long as Geralt is next to her.

Covering Ciri tightly with a blanket and offering Jaskier his arm.

And Ciri _loves_ him too, she realizes one night, when in a calming gesture, he runs his hand up and down on her shoulder.

And then she falls asleep and dreams about horses and nice things.

**Author's Note:**

> In case someone's still confused, here's a few things i didn't explain well enough:  
> 1\. Jaskier is a siren, but not like the ones in canon, cuz like. Fuck canon.  
> 2\. Sirens can change into a human form but most of them don't do it. Because why would they.  
> 3\. Sirens are sluts but they glorifie virginity and it's really important to them.  
> 4\. Many young sirens can't really contron their powers so they end up "seducing" people when they don't really mean to and that's sadly how many of them loses their virginity.


End file.
